To be tattooed
Across my chest, so
That maybe you will look
At them and know I
To be tattooed
Across my chest, so
That maybe you will look
At them and know I
I remember the first time we kissed. You were younger and I was too, but it was a mistake and I left you the next day.
I remember the time we didn’t kiss and you reminded me about it years later and I regretted not taking my chance.
I remember the first time we kissed. You were my crush for a year and I was shaking like crazy and your lips were really soft. Even now my face flushed thinking about you. And I am not sorry for that, but I am sorry for the things I put you through.
I remember kissing you for spin the bottle, but I don’t remember the kiss.
I don’t remember the first time we kissed, but I remember falling asleep on your shoulder, the day where what I thought was hate turned to something good. I do remember the last time we kissed though. I remember running off to hide, pretending it was nothing. I think you will be in my heart forever. I remember I thought I would marry you one day, oh, and then get divorced of course.
I remember a lot of our kisses, and how they were comfortable but nothing more. I remember your hugs and your laugh and your hands and the way you played piano for me. I remember hurting you more than I have ever hurt anyone before and that is my biggest regret, the thing I would go back and change if I could because you were such a good friend to me.
I remember trying to kiss you on the cheek and then you turned your head and that was the most awkward thing that has ever happened to me.
I remember kissing you and hugging you, but not where we started or where we ended.
I remember the first time we kissed, I thought I was hot shit. You were so cool and a big guy and I was a no one that you noticed. When did you first see me? I know it was before you let on.
I remember the first and last time we kissed. We made out for an hour in my bed. It was pretty cool.
I remember the first time we kissed. You were scared and I thought that was funny because I am not a nice person sometimes. I think we would have lasted longer if you acted your age. I think we would have lasted longer if I was kinder. I love that we are still friends.
I remember our first kiss like it happened a million times. I remember all the kisses after, I remember the hugs, the hand holding, the loving. I remember the butterflies in my stomach when I knew I would see you. I remember when you asked me to marry you, and how scared you looked and how you already knew I would say yes. I remember the day you almost left me, and all the days after. I remember all the nights we spent together, and all the ones we were forced to spend apart. I remember the first time you said I love you, and I remember the first time you meant it. I remember the first time I said I love you, and I remember meaning that more than I have ever meant anything before. I remember last weekend and how you are fed up with your job. I remember more about you than I even remember about myself. I remember these things as glitter of my life, and when I remember them my eyes sparkle. I remember the last time you kissed me was this morning as I lay in bed and you left to work. As I am writing this, I can’t wait for your return so I can kiss you again.
On the exotic coasts of my mind I find myself swimming through the waves of thoughts of someday.
I dream of being a famous artist, a famous poet, a famous….
but all after I am dead, obviously. I couldn’t handle fame in my fragile state. I come back to the shore in this thought, back to something anchoring after someday.
I walk back to the mountains in my thoughts, in this palace in my mind. There are so many places to go in this small world, but it is endless in the vast expanse of thought that inhabits my head. I see you there sometimes. It is strange, because you aren’t there yet, but….
There is something about rage.
About feeling all that anger bubble up inside you.
Yes, bubble. It bubbles up like they say, it’s true.
One beat after the other, filling on top of each other until it bursts from your skin, like an explosion of hate.
And what is hate. It is when you heart tightens because that one person that can make you so angry you feel it- the rage.
It’s like love but instead of happiness you feel despair.
Your heart feels like it is a tiny animal burrowing itself deeper into your chest.
Ah. and there is only the person that you love more than anything that can make you feel this way.
The one person that can make you want to kill them because they act that way and you can’t make them see reason. The person that you can argue with until the end. Or maybe it’s me.
I was done with being yelled at, spoken over, lied to, misused, mistreated …
You know better. You know it all, you know everything. I am not angry anymore, but I still feel it when I think of you. The pounding inside my head. The feeling of being lost inside myself, not knowing what to do.
Wanting to compete.
I have never wanted that.
I never feel this much.
It is like a world of new senses opened up to me, because before I was made of stone. I didn’t feel the other’s, memories of non-feeling are all I have. I only hate about three people. Is that a large number? A small one? I think it might seem closer to three million with the rage, but I know that hating that many people can’t be good for your physical health
because they dig under your skin and behind your eyes to irritate the life from your breath
I guess at some point in life you break the surface of what you can take and all you are left to do is experience the world washing over you in waves of events, feelings, and ….
I know there is something about rage, about life, about….
If I could write this a million times… and make it make sense, I would.
Thank you guys for reading my ravings. I have been having a hell of a time at it.
the end of
time everything that
we have done, or did not
do, will not matter. The words
that we said will be echos in the flames
that consume the Universe, because what
started in the Big Bang will end in fire. The joy
and collected sadness of the masses will turn to
dust and we will dance among the stars with our
naked souls who have forgotten life. The time
we spent here together, the time that was
carved into our brains in the form of
memories, will be lost to the abyss
that we now call time but in the
future, will call the
held onto you
with this thought, that in
the end we will all turn to one-
since there will be nothing but flames
and we will be freed from reality. I see how
that may sound sad, but in your eyes I see this
end, and it helps me move on. All
we can do is live and then die-
but we come together
again, I am
told me that I was
the Light and you were the
Dark, I did not believe you because
how could someone so beautiful be darkness when
in my soul I feel all the sadness of the world? Well maybe I
couldn’t see you clearly, but now that I talk destruction
it all makes sense to me. As we part, like the
Universe expands, I see us coming
back together in the
fallen on sullen eyes
sunken into deep orchards
fiery, lively, dangerous courses
they see with no remorse
the world is black and white
but they see shades of purple
and blue over you and the past.
They see long days and hateful ways
and portions of merry men dancing on graves.
They see wonders of reds and yellows,
dreadful happy fellows, murdering mournful raves.
Hurt, burrowing and tight, we learned at the
end of eyelashes and combs, running leaves
off the many trees that gave us hope to flee-
he ran for miles the night, he ran and jumped and cried,
he did all he could he tried,
to save them before he died.
Here I am, sitting in
the room I grew
up in. The house I spent
my first holidays
in. I am here again, like
a ghost, living my days
again. It is different now, with
family dead and misplaced.
But I am here again.
I sit here trying to find a
new way, not stuck like
before, but what leads